Michelle's Story

My name is Michelle and I am a birthmother. I placed my child for adoption in 2007. While pregnant, I would go back and forth with the decision on what to do, whether to place him for adoption or just ‘tough it out and make things work’. But in the end, placing him for adoption was the best choice for him.

I met the adoptive family about 6 months into the pregnancy, and they are incredible. I felt comfortable with them. He’s with the family that he was always meant to be with. He is with the family God chose him to be with and I truly believe that. We’re pretty close with the adoptive family; making is much easier being able to see how happy and healthy he is. The adoptive parents also make it much easier because they are very open with Eli, that’s his name, about who we are. Michelle, the mom, always calls me his birthmother and she calls my mom Grandma Beth. There are no secrets and no hiding it. It makes it easier that they are open, and I’m not going to be out of his life, and he’s going to know who I am.

Emotionally, it was hard at first. There is the sad side of losing a child, but I look at it more as giving somebody else the greatest gift that anybody could have given. I gave the gift of a child to a mother and father and I gave the gift of a brother to another brother. That’s the greatest feeling in the world. I know that I’m a stronger person for being able to do it. It also helps that those around me were supportive and told me how proud they were of me, how strong I was, and how they knew it was a tough decision but I was still able to do it. It is the most selfless act to be able to choose what is best for somebody else. That’s love.

If I could speak to a birthmother, I would tell her that the different feelings that she’s probably going through are completely understandable. Feel free to talk to someone about them. I know when I first started thinking about adoption, the hardest part for me was going back and forth thinking maybe God was trying to teach me a lesson. But finally, I turned it around, and I knew that the real reason that I was thinking about adoption is because it was the best choice for Eli. He deserved so much more than I could have given him and even though I would have been able to provide for him, that there was a different family out there for him. He needed to be with them, and not with me. And that it wasn’t a punishment for me, but it was a gift for somebody else.